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What happens if your teenage son gets a girl pregnant?


Thursday, January 8th, 2009
Issue 02, Volume 13.
Lisa Vinton


Everyone talks about teen girls getting pregnant but rarely is the subject of teen boys having a baby the topic of discussion.

For some reason, it is either ignored or not a big deal. But it shouldn’t be ignored and it is a big deal! It’s a big deal for everyone involved.

As the parent of a soon-to-be teen father, where do you turn? How do you help your son? What are your responsibilities and those of your son?

There’s little doubt you are upset, disappointed and probably even sad. What is often considered a joyful event is nearly impossible to be celebrated under these circumstances.

The uncertainty of what will happen next is likely at the forefront of your mind. How this will affect you and your family is a scary thought.

The decision of whether or not the pregnant teen chooses to maintain the pregnancy, keep the baby or place it for adoption is, in most cases, entirely up to the teen mother.

She does not need permission from her parents or the teen father to have an abortion or to choose to parent.

However, the state of California does require that the father approve of an adoption because he will have to give up his rights.

As the parent of this young man, he needs you now more than ever.

Also, communication between both families is essential as the future of the pregnancy, baby and teens are being decided.

He may want something different with regards to the pregnancy than the teen mother or the parents. His friends are telling him one thing and his heart may be telling him another.

It is very important for you to set aside your own feelings and help him to talk it out and make better choices going forward.

Some of the major concerns I hear at the Southwest Pregnancy Counseling Center from parents are "Can my son be arrested?" "Will he have to pay child support even though he is in high school?" "Will I be personally responsible for supporting this baby?" "How can we be sure this is our son’s baby?" "How will he raise a child when he lives Advertisement
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Statutory rape is an issue if one party is older than 18. However, very few cases are brought to the attention of the District Attorney unless the adult involved has a criminal record or a date rape has occurred.

You, as his parent, are not financially responsible for the pregnancy or baby. Until your son is 18 years old, he will not be legally responsible for paying child support.

Regardless of whether or not he wants the girl to keep the baby, he should take financial responsibility as soon as he is able.

If he chooses to avoid it, he could risk future visitation or custody since he did not show a financial commitment for his child early on. Of course, it is also the right thing to do – support the child.

Until a child support order is in place, this support does not have to be just cash. It can be diapers and other baby items to help out.

Once the baby is born, it would be prudent to request a DNA test to ensure paternity. However, if both parents agree that the child is theirs, they can fill out court documents and file them accordingly without any testing.

For more information on this issue, contact or visit your local family law courthouse.

As soon as possible, work closely with the teen mom and her family to establish guidelines during the pregnancy (i.e. attending doctor’s appointments) and a reasonable visitation schedule that will enable your son to bond with his baby.

It is not likely that these teens will marry in the near future, if at all, so be sure to be sensitive to the fact that he is separated from his child.

Your son may suffer from mixed feelings about getting his girlfriend pregnant. Whatever the outcome of the pregnancy, be sure to let him share his own thoughts and feelings with you and put your judgment aside.

He needs your support and encouragement to respond in the right ways and in the ways that he will have to live with for a lifetime.

Lisa Vinton is the founder of the Southwest Pregnancy Counseling Center.


 

11 comments

Comment Profile ImageOutrage
Comment #1 | Friday, Jan 9, 2009 at 10:22 am
"However, very few cases are brought to the attention of the District Attorney unless the adult involved has a criminal record or a date rape has occurred."

That statement couldn't be further from the truth. -- Moraloutrage.net
Comment Profile ImageLori
Comment #2 | Friday, Jan 9, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Wow! Lisa hits the nail on the head with this one! I do not recall anyone ever previously tapping into this issue. Very informative and revelant to those who go through this traumatizing and life changing experience. Lisa explains how to handle it with the responsiblity, maturity, and level headedness. I applaud the Village News for finding the validation and the need to print this story. More from Lisa please!
Comment Profile ImageJAS
Comment #3 | Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Dear Outrage, sorry to say this from personal experience within my own family members, local law enforcement and the Army. You have a very naive view of what can be done and what is done. Very seldom are charges brought, if both parties are consenting, Who's going to tesify. UNless the parents saw an actual act, and even then the chances a nil.
Comment Profile ImageWendy Phillips
Comment #4 | Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I know from personal exsperience the pain and emtiness a family can live with due to a teenage son fathering a child. my son now 24 and very sick fathered a baby girl when he was 15 yrs. old the mother im told was 18 at the time. And that is why she waited to make the call to me that changed my life for ever. My phone rang one summer afternoon June of 2002 and there was a young lady on the other end by the name of Robin telling me she was a friend of my sons and it was very important that she spoke to me i told her sure where and she gave me an address and i went immediatly over there. she walked out and introduced herself and told me she was basically living with a secret that was eating her alive. that she gave birth to my sons daughter March 8th 2000. and put her up for adoption. and oviously never told us are the adoptive parents my son was the father.She said she was young scared and pressured by her parents to not only put the baby up for adoption but alsoo claim she didnt know the father.She told me she was allowed pictures of the baby and also letters to know the progress of the child. she should me a few pictures of her the new born picture she gave me and i still have it but to me babies all look alot alike at birth and change alot with time. and she did because she showed me one of her at that time. which made her two then .to leave me totally in shock . she was a carbon copy of my son and to be honest i wish she wasnt becauce i couldnt deny her. Robin promised to keep in touch with me and after not hearing from her for two weeks i went over the house where i met with her and they told me she no longer lived there and that they didnt know where she was. that was the beginning of our grieving. For a little girl that was born on 3-8-02. named Alesandrea Brook Coachanaski. I have never forgotten the meeting with Robin are ever stop thinking and praying for not only the baby Alesandrea but Robin as well, since my son has became ill we again have tried to locate Robin in hopes of maybe a few pictures and the chance to tell the parents of his illness because it is herriditary. I know when God is involved anything can happen including someone reading this and being able to help. my e mail address is notwgirl@yahoo.com please only sincere people responed. Sincerly A Grieving Grandma
Comment Profile ImageDonna
Comment #5 | Monday, Jun 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I have a son that is 18 yrs old and dropped out of school when he was 17 and he has been living with 21 yr old girl that has a 2 yr old already that her mother took the child away, cause she felt that the daughter was not raising the child right. I just recieved a call from my son that she is pregnant. Talk about a nightmare, I asked my son how far along is she and he said 2 months and she does not want to have a abortion. She has no job and he has a partime job. I have tried to get him to go in the National Guard and at least do something for himself and get a diploma and they will even pay him to do this, so that he can provide for this child. She has told him no and that I need to stay out of there buisness. I have tried and don't know what to do now. I am so upset that I want nothing to do with either of them. And I know that this is not right, but she feels that she can just live off the state. The problem is that I did not raise my son to live off the state and this has created animosity between her and I and she knows that I do not care for her. What is a mother to do? I think that I have lost my son for good thanks to this girl Help!!!!!!!
Comment Profile ImageV
Comment #6 | Sunday, Oct 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm
I hear you Donna I am devastated I feel I have no control and I do know what my son is going to go through. My son 17 goes to church and so does his girlfriend. Everyone has talked to both of them about sex. I just found out his girlfriend is pregnant I am very hurt and feel all alone I can't bring myself to face the church. I have a feeling she will be living off the system too! I did not raise my son that way I have always worked hard the girlfriend's family is so different. It is hard for two familiesto connect when each family has different views. I am trying my best to keep it together I blame myself and feel like a failure. I am in so much pain and have so much anger I do not want to be around anyone. By the way my son named his youth group at church and is very involved in the church. I have talked to the heads of the youth group they are very supportive, but I am not so sure about the other members of the church. I do not need any judgement right now I feel bad enough.
Comment Profile ImageJulie
Comment #7 | Sunday, Oct 10, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Dear V,
I'm sorry you are going through this. As a mom with teen and young adult boys and girls I know it is something that all of us fear, especially if we have a lot of friends who go to church, but I would like to encourage you, that a lot of your friends at church I believe will support you and do what they can. Just brush that pride aside and be supportive of your son and by next year you will most likely have a little bundle of joy that you wouldn't want to imagine living without. Pray for courage, peace, wisdom, love and understanding and make sure your kids get the message that being a family is messy and we all support each other even under less than great circumstances. Who cares what the judgmental people at church think anyway? You'll know who your real friends are. Tell the others to be more like Jesus!
Comment Profile ImageVictoria
Comment #8 | Sunday, Sep 8, 2013 at 6:50 am
Thank for sharing this difficult moments with others. My son is 19 and I will also be a father soon. We raised him with high moral values and closel in God's faith. I felt betrayed, sad, lonely and kept blaming myself not knowing if I could have done things better. They're keeping the baby and both will continue college with our love and support. I do agree that your best wii not judge you but pray and encourage the family through this difficult time.
Comment Profile ImageMarie
Comment #9 | Tuesday, Oct 1, 2013 at 1:36 pm
We are having a grandchild in two weeks, our son is 18 and so is his ex-girlfriend (they broke up and 3 months later we were told she was pregnant) so it was very hard at first, first an abortion plan, then adoption then keeping the baby, a boy. Her family is very very happy and we are worried about the future of course and the fact that they are not a couple. Our son is a freshman in college and we always wonder if he should continue school, smart and on scholarship, to provide and become something for his son...we encourage him to stay focused and in touch with her, and be a good solid person. They do not have kids at home, we have 3 more to raise and we are a hard-working family with "good" morals that we teach! He had two girlfriends all his teen years and was with her one time, that's all it takes, he was so honest and defeated when he told us and so scared. My thoughts are this, she and her family have all the control, we can only control what is going on in our home and how we react to the situation with grace and love is all I can do...it was not like that at first! I just think our son, the boy needs as much support as the young lady, he is going through this too, not to baby him, he will grow up faster now..just support.
Comment Profile ImageFeli
Comment #10 | Thursday, Jan 9, 2014 at 10:25 pm
I have somewhat found the article and comments comforting as I a 34 yearbooks mom of a 16 year old son have just found out his girlfriend also 16 is pregnant. I am devastated and do not know where to go from here :(
Comment Profile ImageMl
Comment #11 | Wednesday, Jul 16, 2014 at 4:51 am
I am a mom of a 15 year old who found out last week that his now 17 year old friend is pregnant. She turned 17 yesterday, we cried together and talked but he feels his life is over now. We had the talk about pregnancy, I didn't even want him in a relationship because of his age. He quit his basketball team last week to find a job because her mother told him he needs a job now. I told him to get back on the team asap. We are so lost :(

Article Comments are contributed by our readers, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Fallbrook Village News staff. The name listed as the author for comments cannot be verified; Comment authors are not guaranteed to be who they claim they are.

 

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